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Jesus is Watching
A robber was walking through a house one very dark night. He walked over to the china cabinet and was reaching for the silver when he heard a voice say "Jesus is watching you!" He wheeled around, but found no one. He turned back to the cabinet. Again, he heard the same voice say "Jesus is watching you!" This time, he shone his flashlight around the room, and he saw a parrot. "Oh!" he said. " was that you?" "yes." said the parrot. " And what's your name?" said the robber. "Moses" the parrot replied. "Moses? What kind of person would name a parrot 'Moses'?" The robber said with a hint of sarcasm. " The same kind of people who named the Pit Bull Jesus!"
Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?
Dear God, When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,The colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?
Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God, If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?
Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street.
Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God, May I have my testicles back?
A woman brought a litter of Golden Retriever puppies to the veterinary clinic for inoculations and deworming. As the look alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, the veterinarian realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. The veterinarian turned on the water faucet, wet her fingers, and moistened each dog's head when she had finished.
After the fourth puppy, the veterinarian noticed the usually talkative woman had grown silent. As the veterinarian sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized."
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read:
"Purebred Police Dog $25."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered
the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the
mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad,
"How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?"
"Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied,
"He's in the Secret Service.