Jokes
Cat And Dog Jokes
If you would like your jokes about animals to appear on this web site, send an email with the joke to webmaster@tcvet.com.au
Like Cats And Dogs
What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. They whine when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8. They're moody.
9. They leave hair everywhere.
10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: Cats are tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They are great at begging.
8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
9. They leave their toys everywhere.
10. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
Conclusion: Dogs are men in little fur coats.
The Dead Poodle
A lady runs into the vet's office carrying her poodle, screaming for help. The vet rushes her back to an examination room and has her put her poodle down on the examination table.
The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, quietly tells the lady her dog, regrettably, is dead. The woman, on the verge of hysteria and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet leaves the examination room and momentarily returns with a cat. He places the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the woman and says, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but the cat agrees with my diagnosis. He thinks that your dog is dead, too."
Still unwilling to accept that her dog is dead, the lady demands one more opinion. So the vet brings in a black lab, and like the cat, the lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the lady and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The woman, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much she owes. The vet answers, "$495."
"$495 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the woman.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $445 was for the cat scan and lab test."